Don't Worry, Social Anxiety may just be because your IQ is high

Don't Worry, Social Anxiety may just be because your IQ is high

9 minute read

Humans love to socialize by nature, and aunt-style chattering and coping are almost as easy as drinking water. Especially at parties, weddings and even funerals, there will be a social scene for the whole people.

Some people believe that "people connections" are "money connections", and some pay for courses on "how to build a high-quality network", which has become a harvested "IQ tax." E-commerce assembles social routines, and they have been grown stronger.

Originally, the purpose of human socialization was not only to achieve a win-win benefit also to release emotions and obtain a sense of belonging and happiness in communication.

In 2018, the British Journal of Psychology published a research report on IQ and social relationships. The team led by psychologist Satoshi Kanazawa analyzed 15,000 British people aged 18 to 28, and learned more about their living environment, health status, IQ, and relationship status, and came to the conclusion: IQ is below average Valued people, the more they socialize, the happier they feel, and the happier they feel when they get along with others.

However, this is not the case for people with high IQs. They prefer to live in densely populated cities, and the fewer social activities they have, the happier they are. Moreover, people with high IQs will get worse in social situations. When they are with friends, they will feel more unhappy, and even think that frequent social activities reduce life satisfaction.

Researchers say that in modern life, people with high IQs are more likely to adapt to the environment, so they do not need to rely on close social relationships to survive. There is another explanation: high IQ people want to spend more time on achieving their goals, rather than socializing.

"Social Anxiety" is fear of excessive social noise

People with high IQs are not "social anxiety", but they can identify "invalid social" and spend their time and energy on more meaningful things.

In the book "Grouped", a rule of "5-15-50-150-500" regarding the number of social groups is mentioned. It probably means that the scope of a person's social life is actually very small, and the upper limit of the number of stable social circles should be 150 people (not including relatives).

The larger a person’s social circle, the more social noise. Social noise is a type of information noise, and it is the excess information that exists in social networks. In social activities, there must be various social noises. The greater the social noise, the easier it is for people to lose themselves.

Social relationships are uncontrollable. New classmates, unfamiliar colleagues, bosses, and elders make this circle not exist according to personal ideas. The outsiders who join the circle have different interests, and their focus is also very different. At this time, ineffective social noise increases.

 

Any social circle tends to be divided for a long period of time, and after a long period of time, it tends to combine again. A former friend may be against each other, and a former lover may be separated from each other. All of this makes the original "friend circle" no longer a pure "friend circle". In fact, many people are less and less posting to Facebook, which proves that people want to avoid the social noise of that information overload.

The ideal effective social interaction is "You have a story and I have wine." Unfortunately, most of the ineffective social interactions now are "You have trash and I have a bucket."

To some extent, low-quality social networking is invalid social networking. Ineffective social interaction refers to social activities that cannot bring any joy and progress to people's spirit, feelings, work, and life. Ineffective social interaction also brings ineffective contacts. Instead of low-quality social interaction, it is better to choose high-quality solitude.

There is a consensus in the psychology community: under the same communication conditions, people with high IQ pay much less than ordinary people. In fact, it is not that smart people are not social, but they are more aware of social renunciation.

Psychologist says: "People with high IQs can use their cleverness and skills to make the communicating party feel happy even after reducing social interaction. Therefore, under normal circumstances, we feel that we are relatively happy when interacting with them, not so much. It is difficult to get close. However, there are indeed some people with high IQ who are really not used to socializing with others, but this ratio is also limited."

Utilitarian socialization does not lead to a class jump

As the saying goes, "Things gather by kind, and people are divided by groups". In life, many people make friends and participate in many utilitarian social interactions in order to improve their social status. They don't hesitate to spend a lot of money on social courses, thinking about success by relying on relationships and connections, and forcibly entering a social circle that does not fit their own level.

They believe that as long as they are in a high-level circle, they are one of them. In fact, superficial gregariousness is not the same as having contacts.

The phrase "multiple friends, multiple paths" is based on evenly matched and matched strengths, otherwise, it would be ineffective social interaction.

Because the essence of social interaction is a value exchange, the only way to get more contacts is to strive to make more and more things you can exchange, and to make yourself more and more valuable. Once the strength is not equal, then the social interaction you conduct is a utilitarian social interaction with a strong attachment.

In addition, effective social interaction does not rely on hard-talking and hard-working, but on the charm of personality. The level of a person depends on his knowledge and ability. People with high IQ are more willing to use reading to enrich their knowledge base and broaden their horizons around the world. What they believe in is "If you are in full bloom, the breeze will come by".

Research has found that a person’s IQ, EQ, and social quotient are inevitable and proportional. The higher the IQ, the higher the other two quotients.

Psychologist Ajay Sharma believes: "Those people with high IQ will pay more attention to the changes in the small details in daily social life, and react quickly to find a solution after being aware of it.

For example, when they are chatting with someone, if they find that someone is performing modern compensatory behaviors or various small actions, they will know that the other party is no longer in the previous conversation state, and will immediately switch topics and chat styles. They are a group of people who know how to perceive words and colors, and they also know how to perceive people's hearts. Therefore, real high IQ people are better to socialize. "

People with high social IQ will never have bad luck

IQ is innate, but social IQ can be cultivated. Psychologist Edward Thorndike (Edward Thorndike) first proposed the concept of "Social Intelligence" (Social Intelligence). Different from emotional intelligence (EQ), Edward defines social intelligence as being able to process and understand interpersonal relationships.


Later, in his book "Social IQ: The New Science of Success", Dr. Karl Albrecht further listed the five main characteristics of people with high social IQ: situational awareness, presence, reality, Express clearness, and empathy.

People with high social IQs are good at observing words and colors, can quickly recognize the emotions of the other person, and know when to say what to say, and when to not say what to say. Even in social gatherings with a lot of people, they can show trustworthy calmness.

At the same time, people with high social IQ understand that the time of interaction is not the most useful thing, their "presence" is. The physical presence is not enough, the spirit and emotion must also be present. If we do not pay attention to others, then communication with them will become very difficult.

In Edward Thorndike's view, this kind of social IQ is not innate but is cultivated. He said: "Paying attention to details is the first step in cultivating social IQ. Because everyone likes to be understood and understood, and the prerequisite for the ability to pay attention to details is to be curious about others, starting from observing the changes in the appearance of others, and then slowly Observe the changes in the mood of others and read others with an open mind. By using this observation, harmonious and effective interpersonal interaction can be promoted."

People with high social IQs can "listen effectively" in social interactions. Ordinary people will go around when expressing their thoughts and needs, and people with high social IQ will not just listen to the surface when listening to others. They can often hear the other party's words and overtones, making the other party feel that they are understood. They can chat with men, women, and children, and they feel funny and humorous in the conversation. They will not feel uncomfortable and will not exude a strong "plastic social feeling".

Being able to tolerate differences is also a major feature of social IQ. People with high social IQ, even if they don’t agree with the other side’s point of view, will not rashly refute, but listen with an open mind, and can express their opinions rationally and comfortably.

Christina Howard, CEO of Tusk Ventures, needs to deal with people with high IQs because of her work relationship. She said: "In the workplace, no matter how smart you are, if you can't learn how to get along with others, you will run into a wall. I don't know how lucky the girl who loves to laugh is. People with high social IQ are always lucky. "

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